Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
