this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
