he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
