paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
