I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
