Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
