woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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