remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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