you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
