I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
