i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
