My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
