His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the condom got lost in my hair
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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