It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
