i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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