There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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