How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
