can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
