no, he came in my armpit
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
