You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
