you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
