can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
