i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
