I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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