whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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