Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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