I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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