and you said cock pushups were impossible
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
