i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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