allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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