apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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