He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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