im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
