I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
