oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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