where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
