If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
