you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
