Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
