I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
