I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
