from now on my penis is your penis
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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