my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
