You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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