Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
