Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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