The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
