Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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