I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
