can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
